Blanc vs The Angry Video Game Nerd
This fanmade DBX features Blanc from Hyperdimension Neptunia and The Angry Video Game Nerd from... the Internet? Description White clothing, a heavy association with Nintendo, brown hair, borderline split personality disorders, extreme bursts of rage, rampant swearing... Who are we talking about again? The raging CPU or the pissed off Nerd? Interlude NO RULES ONLY BLOODSHED DBX Time to hit that play button... Dialogue Key: Italics: The Nerd Bold: Blanc Normal: Other Characters Bold + Italic: Spoiler Character The Nerd's Room~ December 1, 2011 Cue Music 1 "Oh yeah. I'm finally gonna land the plane. This time, I'm gonna land it for real!" The Nerd proudly declared, giving all of his focus to his television screen. It was a peaceful day outside, the sun was shining down, the grass was blooming, the skies were perfectly clear, and the Nerd knew this was gonna be the day he finally beat Top Gun. At least, that's what he thought at first. "I got the speed right, but the altitude's off!" The gamer cried out in a panic, having realized how much he had screwed up at the last second. But he wasn't about to give up so easily. "Oh no, going too fast!" In a vain attempt at a saving grace, the Nerd rose from his couch, practically plastering his eyes to his TV. ... But much to the Nerd's surprise, the plane actually didn't crash this time! Instead, the pixelated contraption flew out the left side of his television and made a beeline for the nearest window, smashing through it with ease in order to reach the outside world. "Hey, uh... If anyone sees that plane, can you let me know?" The AVGN asked in exasperation, clearly still trying to process the crazy shit that just went down... He sighed in defeat as he mentally prepared himself to revisit Who Framed Roger Rabbit. A dork's work was simply never over... 4.5 Years Later... '' ''Location: Lowee Cue Music 2 "Let's see here... Having upset Lady White Heart for the last time, Neptune fell off a cliff and got a concussion... Yeah, that sounds good..." 'Blanc muttered to herself, rapidly scribbling down any ideas that came to mind in the safety of her own notebook. Though I suppose scribbling down rants would make for a more adequate term in this situation... "Blanc, are you busy writing ANOTHER story?" A loud, '''ram'bunctious voice suddenly cried out from down the hallway. Blanc sighed in dismay before giving her response. '''"What is it this time, Ram? You know how important these- HEY! Give that back!" The elder CPU suddenly raised her voice in anger when her little sister snatched away the notebook under her nose. "Wow, Blanc. I knew you were mad at Neptune after she made fun of your chest for umpteenth time, but do you really have to write a Spite Fic about her?" "This isn't spite! It's an informative essay created out of contempt! Who taught you about that anyway?" "Blanc, that's the same thing. Besides, you're making me forget why I'm really here! I'm soooooooo bore- WHOA! What is that?!" Ram suddenly cried out in fear and dramatically pointed out the window. Before Blanc could utter another word, her sister fled the scene like an overt robber. "Um... Okay?" The elder CPU could only tilt her head in confusion as she slowly turned her attention outside. "What the hell?!" Blanc exclaimed in surprise, witnessing an unrecognizable pixelated object divebombing in her direction. *Crash!* "Ugh, dammit..." Blanc muttered under her breath, reeling on the ground more out of annoyance than pain. Being caught in the epicenter of an 8 bit explosion would certainly do that to anyone. "I swear, if I find the bastard that did this..." Blanc started to rant, but a single pixel emerging from the rubble immediately caught her eye. Wasting no time in uncovering the out of place object, she soon discovered the very plane that had crashed into her room completely intact. "Where have I seen this ugly pile of shit before... And is that a... street address?" Blanc questioned upon closer examination of this mysterious mishmash... A few hours later... '' ''Location: The Nerd's Room Cue Music 3 "Jesus Christ, man! We're over 140 episodes in and there's still so many shitty games left untouched! And why do so many of them have to be on Nintendo?!" The Nerd passionately ranted to his audience, clearly in the middle of filming a new review. "What horrible sin did they commit in a past life to warrant such a shitstorm of filth on their illustrious console library? I'd rather have a jackrabbit jump into my ass and rip out my balls from the inside than pull another turd out of Nintendo's closet!" James continued his speech, pausing briefly to take a swig of Rolling Rock. "Which is why I'm taking a small break to go play a good game for once! It's two thousand sixteen for crying out loud. The graphics have gotten better, gameplay's taken great leaps, and the concept of quality control is actually taken seriously now. How could anyone fuck up a game in this era?" The gamer concluded as he rose up from his couch to seek out his collection of games. "So I'm just gonna dust off the ol' PS3 and grab a random game out of the pile... Let's see here... Hyperdimension Neptunia? What the hell's up with the cover? Is this a video game or a hidden anime sequel to the Atari Porn games?" James was left scratching his head upon witnessing the game he had just picked up. He's clearly never seen anything like this before. "Well, let's pop this fucker in and give it a go..." The Nerd cautiously commented, clearly afraid that this next generation game could potentially turn out to be a steaming pile of goat shit. With the simple press of a button, the console roared to life, sounding the oh so familiar jingle that signaled the appearance of the Start Menu. With all the formalities out of the way, James plugged in his controller... and fell on his ass in a futile attempt to reach the couch. "What the hell? Why'd they make the cord so short?!" The Nerd questioned, having never touched the system until now. He sighed in defeat as he cut his losses and sat down on the floor. "I've gotta go through a menu just to play the game?" The Nerd immediately complained. James's frustration would only rise further when he selected the game he wished to play. "And what the fuck is this?! It has to update? I just wanna play the damn game!" Cue Sound "Oh, who is it this time?! Critic, if that's you again, you can just get the fuck out of here!" James sternly warned as he rose from the floor to answer the door. What he found instead was the petite (and surprisingly calm given her situation) CPU of Lowee, Blanc. Cue Music 4 "Greetings. I believe I have something of yours. Could I come in for a moment?" Blanc quietly tilted her head. "O... kay? Who are you supposed to be? And where'd that techno music come from?" The Nerd responded in kind, opening the door to allow his visitor to enter the room. "Oh, my apologies. I forgot my manners for a moment. My name is Blanc, and I'm the CPU of Lowee. What else can I say?" Blanc introduced herself, clearly paying more attention to the goldmine of games and consoles around her than anything else. "This is even more impressive than I would have imagined..." 'Blanc commented, prompting a quick scoff from the Nerd. '"Well first of all, I think you'd like to know that I'm also your biggest fan." 'The CPU added with a short bow of respect. '"Secondly, I believe you're going to want this back." Blanc continued as she held out the pixelated plane from Top Gun. "Holy shit, I can't believe someone actually found that thing. It's been what, four and a half years now?" I didn't exactly want the damn thing back, but thanks anyway dude." ''The Nerd replied with a forced sense of gratitude, carefully analyzing the plane in his hands. '"Wha- Oh, I'm actually a girl..." Blanc hurriedly corrected as she tilted her hat down with both hands. "Huh. Could've fooled me. I mean it's not like you have anything to show for it." ''James replied, unintentionally pressing one of Blanc's biggest Berserk Buttons. '"HEY!" 'Blanc shouted, vainly attempting to keep her anger in check. ''"But I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to take part in this review either. Not only is this pile of shit taking forever to load, but you look a little young to-" ''The Nerd continued, completely unaware of his guest's increasingly foul mood, when suddenly, the 8 bit plane shot out of his hands and made a beeline for the brunette CPU. "Oh shit!" '' Let's Just See 'em Fight Already! Cue Music 5 *SMASH!* In the blink of an eye, the plane was completely annihilated by a rather demonic looking Blanc with an enormous hammer in hand. "'''YOU SON OF A BITCH!" The CPU roared with the loudest voice she could muster, completely unrecognizable from her previous stature. "Hey man, did you just swear?!" "What the hell's it to you?! Cause you're in for a hell of a lot worse when I'm through bashing your fucking head in!" Blanc roared, reeling back to toss her hammer as if it were an oversized ball and chain. The gigantic weapon flew around the room in a circular motion, giving the Nerd just enough time to duck underneath... only to have the damn thing smash his television instead. "Jesus Christ! That thing does not obey the laws of physics at all!" James yelled in confusion as the hammer safely returned to Blanc's hands. With no time to waste, the Nerd quickly strapped on a Power Glove from his pocket and closed in to deliver swift punch to his guest's face. But the CPU was ready for any sort of counterattack, thus she proceeded to step forth and strike the mad gamer with full force, sending him hurtling into the wall on the opposite side of the room. The structure collapsed like a cheap cardboard cutout, revealing an entirely new room for the nerd to fall into. "Ugh, dammit I just got this section patched up!" ''James complained, staring back into a stage that served as the living remnant of his previous adventure. '"Why the hell do you have bottomless pits in the middle of your house?" Blanc questioned as she looked past her newest target to find what appeared to be the remains of an NES level. "It's a long story." James replied, reaching into his pocket to reveal a question mark block ripped straight out of Super Mario Bros. "At least I actually had the foresight to keep this thing around!" the Nerd declared as he punched the block with his bare hand, briefly surrounding the gamer in a blinding flash of light. "Because I'm sure as hell not starting over from Level 1 when I still have all this cool shit from the last game!" James declared, emerging from the light wearing the same armor he used to defeat Satan and ROB. Cue Music 6 '''"Holy hell is that the accessory suit?! Uh, what I meant to say is try dodging this, ya prick!" Blanc shouted, mentally slapping herself for geeking out in the middle of battle as five orbs of light materialized to her right. With a single swing of her hammer, the orbs were sent on a direct course for the AVGN himself, who responded in kind by turning his back to the projectiles. Sure enough, Blanc's attack harmlessly bounced off The Nerd's trusty Power Pad. James turned back around and returned fire with the two NES Zappers in his hands, forcing Blanc to cease her approach in order to raise her guard. The Nerd capitalized on the situation by reaching for the Rolling Rocker and throwing the normally useless hunk of plastic at the wall, where it completely disobeyed the laws of physics and rebounded towards Blanc's exposed side. "UGH, what the hell?!" "You're not the only one that can give physics the finger, bitch!" James responded, instantly closing the distance to his disoriented foe. "Shoryuken!" The Nerd cried out as he performed the fabled jumping uppercut, sending the CPU flying into the air alongside him. "Sonic Boom!" The Nerd shouted again, this time unleashing a wave of kinetic energy from his hand that sent Blanc spiraling back into the Game Room. Now seeking to favor a more explosive weapon, James traded out his two Zappers for the mighty Super Scope and began charging up energy within the rifle. "Not so fast, dumbass!" Blanc chipped in, slamming the ground with her hammer hard enough to cause a small earthquake. The Nerd paid it no mind as he took aim with his Super Scope, only to have a stalagmite abruptly erupt from underneath him, stabbing him in the manhood and sending him flying back into the Game Room. Sure enough, the enraged CPU herself was lying in wait in the perfect position, spinning in place with her hammer to create a frigid tornado. The Nerd's face felt like a popsicle in the middle of the North Pole as he took the brunt of Blanc's rapid swings. With her foe helplessly trapped in the freezing cyclone, Blanc flashed a devilish grin of satisfaction as she raised her hammer up to deliver the coup de grace. All the while, the camera seemed to steadily start angling itself downwards for some reaso- Cue Music 7 "HEY HEY HEY!" Blanc suddenly roared, halting her attack to reach for the camera and raise it up to her face. "Where the hell do you think you're pointing that thing, you perv? Do you think I'm not paying any fucking attention to you?!" 'The CPU ranted as she continued to stare directly at the audience. Luckily for the Nerd, this little distraction was enough to make Blanc momentarily forget about her little combo and drop him to the floor. And in a rather miraculous (or just plain disastrous) turn of events, James quickly looked to his right to find that his television had somehow managed to survive a direct blow from his guest's hammer. ''"Oh what the hell? The damn thing's STILL updating?!" The Nerd exclaimed in disbelief, paying more attention to the console's measly 15% progress than the cracks that had formed across the screen. Still struggling to wipe the look of disbelief off his face, James reached for his Atari 5200 to pop open a hidden bottle of Rolling Rock. '''"Here, give me that thing!" Blanc suddenly chimed in, stealing the Nerd's beer out from under his nose before he could take a single sip. Without even batting an eye, she turned to the camera that dared to attempt an upskirt shot and raised the bottle high into the air. "The hell do you think you're doing?! You're spilling it all over the place!" James suddenly protested as he attempted to snatch the drink away from his guest's hands, engaging in a rather messy tug of war in the process. "Oh calm down, you can just grab another one!" 'Blanc harshly commanded. ''"Yeah, well I've been saving this one!" The Nerd responded, pulling yet another object out of his seemingly endless pockets. "It's time to start dropping some F Bombs!" The Nerd declared as he simultaneously slammed his item to the ground and shot at intertwined hands with the Laser Scope, resulting in a massive explosion that knocked both combatants off their feet. The bottle of Rolling Rock on the other hand? It somehow managed to fly straight up, completely unharmed by the ensuing explosion. Managing to stabilize his landing with a precisely thrown Rolling Rocker, James quickly picked up the plastic device and chucked it towards the falling bottle, hoping to catch it with a makeshift platform. But Blanc wasn't about to accept any of this nonsense. Thus, in what can only be called a fit of spite, she readied another orb of light and batted it towards the two similarly named products. It was a direct hit! Though while the Rolling Rocker itself was completely disintegrated by the attack, the bottle of beer itself managed to remain intact long enough to collide with the nearby wall, spilling the remainder of its contents behind the Nerd's couch. Cue Music 8 "Oh that's just fucking great. Look what you just did-" James immediately complained. He quickly ceased his rant once he heard a rather familiar groan coming from behind the couch... "Ugh... Can anyone tell me what year this is?" Came the weary voice of a rather familiar brown clad man with a guitar firmly gripped in his hand. ... '''"Wait, did that guy die again?" Blanc quizzically asked. "Holy shit, what was in that Rolling Rock?!" The Nerd questioned as the famous Guitar Guy stumbled back, clutching his head in pain... somehow phasing right through the wall. "What the fuck was that?!" the two rage addicts mutually exclaimed. Putting aside their little feud for the moment, they immediately followed after the newly resurrected Guitar Guy. What they found behind the wall came as a rather big surprise to them. They had arrived in what appeared to be a control room ripped straight out of a James Bond flick. Standing in the middle of the room was a rather plain looking man in a blue shirt. ... "Who the hell are you supposed to be?" The Nerd asked, pointing an accusatory finger at the strange man. "You mean you don't know your biggest impostor? That's the Irate Gamer!" 'Blanc informed, staring down the infamous internet celebrity with a fierce glare. ''"Irate what? Never heard of him." ''"Okay hold the fucking phone here! Who are you three assholes and what are you doing on my property?"'' the newly introduced Irate Gamer immediately shouted in an attempt at self defense. "Oh, this is YOUR property? Do you wanna go ahead and explain why it's right behind my fucking couch?!" "Jesus Christ, this is getting confusing." The Guitar Guy chimed in, leaning on the wall like a passed out drunk. ... Cue Music 9 '''"Outta my way, asshole!" Blanc commanded, forcefully shoving Chris Bores out of the way to create a clear view of the man's monitors. "Hey, you're not even supposed to be-" "Can you shut the hell up and explain what all this shit's about?!" Blanc cut the man short as she beckoned to the rapidly flashing images on the myriad of computer screens. The footage was a rather horrifying collection of live recordings. "Wait, you've been spying on my fucking room this entire time?!" James roared in anger upon witnessing such a travesty. "I swear, it's not what it looks li-" "You've got my friends and I completely bugged too!" '''Blanc added, gesturing to a series of screens detailing the other CPUs of Gamindustri in their daily lives. "And that's just scratching the bottom of the barrel! You've got ten seconds to explain this shit before I shove my hammer right through your fu-"' "You'd better start watching your mouth around here, Blanny. As for Boresy? You can stop playing dumb now. You're a terrible actor." A new, creepy voice suddenly chirped in from behind everybody. Immediately recognizing this newcomer, the Irate Gamer frantically turned around and gave a halfhearted salute. '"Hail Sega!"' ''"What the fuck did you just say?!" '' '"That voice... There's no way in hell!" ''' Part 2: What a Twist! Who's your favorite angry gamer/character? Blanc AVGN Irate Ga- *shot* Category:What-If? Themed DBX Fights Category:What-If? 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